Me

If you happened to came to this blog, and found all the blog posts gone, im sorry.
I've tried searching googles for some useful blog undeleting tips, but i found nothing. There were a lot which helps you to undelete the whole blog. But no one wants to  undelete a blog post (or my case, ALL the blog posts). Well of course, no one in their straight mine would want to delete the post but keep the URL, right?

What happened was, i was in a very bad mood today. Not that i was angry or sad, worst, i felt lost. (Oh btw, i think im still a little lost now, but much better.) So very lost that when i got into my blog, i was pissed off by the way i think about stuffs. So one by one, i deleted them.

Happy posts, i deleted them cause i was wondering why cant i get the happiness as simple as that now.
Sad posts, i deleted them cause i dun wanna see myself being sad anymore.
Other posts, i deleted them because, well, for many different reasons.

Some does make me rethink back about my whole life. Some was motivating. Some made me smile. But like i said, i was so very lost, that i started to doubt about why am i blogging about this? So again, one by one i deleted them.

I wasnt ready to walk out of this whole identity crisis thing until Jason talked to me on msn. He was clearly unhappy, and was disappointed by how i manage my emotions. So we ended up fighting, because here, i dunno what do i want, i dunno whats wrong with me, and i needed him to listen. But there, he is angry, he tries to talk to his temporarily-insane girlfriend about logics and everything. And of course, it didnt work out.

He started to get angry, and he was talking a lot on msn. I wanted to talk to him through the phone, because we all know, sometimes msn just wont make things work, it make things worse. So i called. and he hang up on me and told me he wouldnt pick up. So i was afraid, cause remember, i was very lost. And the fear of losing him suddenly strikes me, and i started crying :(. So anyway i still manage to call him, and this time he picked up.

So after a talk (maybe 40 minutes talk, not so sure), i start to regain my senses, and suddenly realise what i've done. Yes, im deleteing all the records of the memories that i have, with my friends, family, and with Jason. And suddenly i regretted a lot. But damn it! why didnt someone invented anything to make you retrieve your lost blog posts?

I know i've probably lost some readers by doing this, Jason being one of them, but there is nothing else i can do. So what i can do the most, is to remember back what happened in my life, and carve them in my mind, maybe pen it down in some books, and never intend to throw away the book again.
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I agree with the statement that a person will need to do something crazy in their life.
But even for the culprit of this, i think what i've done is too much.

And all i can say is sorry :(
I think i should tell get a little update about my recent life, since i didnt talk about it much.
Let's talk about this in the next posts.
My blog post number drop from 540plus to 0, and now climbing up again.

My god, Seriously, what have i done?!
*cries*