4am, pure love-nonsense-speech

Disclaimer: Long long long long long-distance blog ahead. 

So how exactly do you know your relationship has gone into a new stage? It'll level up and learn a new move, so that when faced with a similar situation, it'll do something different, something better (or worse). 

When Jason and I first started dating, frankly I was very insecure. I often woke up from a nightmare and called Jason, before i can even say hello, I hear his voice and i'll break down and cry. Jason will try his best to console me, telling me that it's just a dream and everything's gonna be alright. 

Tonight Jason woke me up 4am in the morning, sounding shaky and sad. I was so afraid i thought something happened to someone, cause you know, getting a call 4am in the morning from someone close usually doesnt mean a good news. I remember just now I searched through my mind, searching for every possible bad news from my family to his family, from a bad news from school to a bad news for our relationship, until his dog popped into my mind. Something happened to his dogs? (think back now and WTF did that come from?!) But i dare not ask, I waited for his answer. Ended up it was a youtube video that he watched and thought about me instantly. 

It's a video from Wongfu Production on youtube about a long distance couple finally gets engaged and be Together At Last. Somehow it's strikes me as something meaningful and i had a mini broke down. See, Jason and I just spent our last 2 weeks together. As a long distance couple, we hardly have the chance to even take a photo together in our daily lives. All we have is phone, msn and webcam. When other couples have to get used to listening to their partner's voice from a webcam, I sometimes have to get used to looking at his face without the grainy distortion that webcam and bad internet connection gave me. The 2 weeks together gave me more than i expected. It was wonderful having him fully to myself, even for a short period of time. 

I know Singapore and Malaysia's not far away, we don't have time zone difference and the cultural difference between the two is small. But this doesnt make things better. It's the "so near yet so far" feeling that worsen's the situation. This whole week I've been working hard to adjust back my own solo lifestyle. Many times i want to book a ticket and jump onto a bus so that i can reach his place in around 5 to 6 hours. But i couldn't. He will be having his ACCA papers in less than 2 months and is still struggling. My visit to his place has delayed him from his schedule. And for me, i have tons of things to settle. 

Wongfu Production has another great video that has been circulating around on Facebook recently. It was called strangers, again. It's about stages in a relationship. I asked Jason where were we, and he said stage 4. It was the comfortable stage where we are too comfortable to be ourselves in front of each other. There are lesser lovey dovey talk and more time spend on our own. After watching both video, it got me thinking. If we were at an earlier stage of LDR and jason called me to show me this video, what will i do? 

See it's really rare for Jason to do something like this. He is not the type who will wake someone up just because he is not feeling good (unfortunately, I am. XD). So i can only simulate the whole situation in my mind. First he would call and sounded not alright. Then i'll try to console him. After that he might be better and we both talked a little through the phone and go back to sleep. Whatever the outcome is, I will surely not feel a strong connection with the video and broken down. 

When i watched the vid a second time and was crying while he watched some comedy video and was laughing his ass out on the other side of the webcam. If we're at an earlier stage, knowing how bitchy I can be, i'll probably pick up a fight starting with "Why are you laughing when I'm crying?!" But no, this time round i'm just happy that he can be who he is when he is with me, and vice versa. 

Because it's a very important thing to be yourself in a relationship. Especially when time and distance is in your way. Cause that's how you can ensure your partner that nothing's gonna change. 

the path might be hard and full of nonsense obstacles, but you've chosen this yourself, so hang in there. Unless there is really no other choice, don't let your relationship go downhill. 

Cause at the end of the day, it's worth it. 

I'll be waiting to the day we're together at last, and till then, i'll be strong. 

Promise.