No life? Nah, just a rant.

I. Had. Been. Under. A. Lot. Of. Stress. Lately.
Note: The post below is a very long rant about my life lately. Please do not press Read More if you dun want to hurt your eyes and affect your mood.



If my threshold for stress tolerance is 70, it should be 85 on Friday which caused a break down and burned out, and then dropped to 65 back on Saturday because I practically slacked the whole day. I took a day off from the reports, assignments, studies, books and even housework. And today I basically took another half day off until i started cleaning my room again at around 3pm.

See it's already a routine for me. I know it's not really good but heck care, I really cant cope with studies AND housework together on weekdays. I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but after all those work and brain usage in school, I am only able to do laundry on Wednesday for this whole week, until this afternoon when i did laundry again. This is so sickening. Not doing housework makes the air in the room so dense (though it's just one week, this is the bad side of staying in the room on 4th floor facing a very busy main road), but I'm so tired to mop the floor.

Not to mention I fell sick on Monday (seriously, I think it's a very severe Monday Blues) and Friday. It was a week of disaster and chaos. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I stayed back for assignments and meetings for the FYP, Friday I hold a meeting with the class and the outcome wasn't that good. It's like everyone started talking and nobody listens. Only half the class started their work, no solid progress was made. Seriously what's wrong with us? I should have done better. I'm the leader, why cant i lead better? Why can't i motivate them to work?
There are so many things that I should have done better.

I overestimated myself. And even now things are not getting better. I really dunno what else I should do.
Or rather, I really needed a break to recompose myself and continue to battle.

The disappointment is not just about myself, it's about so many things. Things I've taken granted of, and when something else happens I'm so depressed. I'm just so tired of life itself. Never have I faced so much stress in this two years plus of nursing course.

It's really a bad cycle. Weekdays I got so tired and stressed, weekend I'll just stay home and sleep, then comes weekdays and I'll go out to school and face all those stuffs again, then comes weekends again.. and again.. and again.. This has been continuing for.... 6 weeks?

Even if I went out on weekends I'm like dragging my feet out of my little comfort zone confined in the four white walls, with 3 windows that let in a very limited amount of fresh air and a large amount of dust. What is wrong with me.

Argh. No life.

Upside is, I'll be going home very soon.
And I keep repeating this to myself to help me get through all this.
I'll be going home very soon.
We can have a mini-steambot.
I can buy lamington to celebrate getting an A for my skills test.
We can go visit grandpa and grandma and the puppies and kitties.
I can go out with my dear cousins whom i miss so much.
I can go out with my parents to shop in Penang or Butterworth.
I can go dating in SP like i used to.
We can go and eat ice cream and have some great time with the food and my bii.
We can go for a movie, a really nice one.
I can go baking in my mom's secret laboratory.
Oh and since i bought monopoly deal, I can play card games with my parents and bii.
I can watch nonsense videos with bii and laugh till we cry.
We can have romantic dinner (i can cook you dinner if you dare to eat, bii) together.
I can hang out with my friends in SP.
We can even wake up early to go school. I really miss SMKI.
I want to go for laksa outings.
I've got gifts for the girls that i love so much, it's a little "bzeng" but still i think you will like it.
Cause it's from me, ah can. :)
I love my family, my bii, my besties and my hometown.
I want a homely feeling with everyone i love in the place i love the most.

Ahh :) now i have something to look forward to.
Home is where my heart is.